I Am Never Watching This Documentary. Ever. As In Never Ever Ever.

If you were to see my “Recommended for Kevin” list on Netflix or Hulu, you’d see a lot of documentaries about serial killers and true crime stories. I am usually ahead of the general public on binging these shows. I was all in early on "Don’t F*ck With Cats". I knew the Ted Bundy story long before The Ted Bundy Story went viral. I can rattle off the Manson Family tree from Tex Watson to Linda Kasabian. I find these outliers fascinating and I’ll watch every last one of the docs. Except this one. 

No f*@#ing way. Nope. Sorry. Not happening. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Not now. Not ever.

BUT, I was curious. So I did some research and it turns out “Wrinkles the Clown” is a 65 year-old Florida man who got bored with his retirement and decided it would be fun to dress up as the creepiest clown in the history of clowning, put stickers around town with his phone number, and offer himself up for hire to parents who wanted to scare their kids. WTF is wrong with you dude? That's some seriously twisted sh*t. But in case anyone needs the number it's 407-734-0254. Go ahead. Call it. I dare you. 

I talked myself into watching the trailer. How bad could that be, right? How about really effing bad because at :59 seconds when a security camera showed Wrinkles climbing out of the bottom of a child’s trundle bed as they were fast asleep I totally freaked. You can't unsee this. Don't believe me? Take a look for yourself. (Remember the money shot is at :59).

 

Although his true identity has never been revealed, Wrinkles refers to himself as a “performance artist” who did this as a long-running and complex art project. Go eff yourself Wrinky. This isn't performance art. Performance artists cover themselves in avacados and super glue their penis to light poles to protest some political issue in a country 90% of us couldn’t find on a map. That's performance art. You're deranged, and that says a lot coming from me.

Bottom line, I am never watching this movie. Ever. Instead I’ll be watching the Taylor Swift documentary, which could be equally as disturbing but nearly not as horrifying. 

On the other hand....

Photo: Magnolia Pictures & Magnet Releasing

Drew & K.B.

Drew & K.B.

Drew Olson & K.B., afternoons on Milwaukee's Sports Talk That Rocks, 97.3 The Game! Read more

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