CONTENT WARNING: My rankings are entirely based on personal preference, not analytics. Therefore they will more than likely offend people without an appreciation for scathing humor. If this is you, please do not read any futher.
If we learned only one thing from last night's episode, it's that every woman in the house slams champagne like Fireball shooters. No sipping allowed.
My Top 5 Observations
- Janice Dickenson’s face looks like a pumpkin that has been sitting out on the front porch too long.
- Why was there a bottle of maple syrup on the table where the girls were sitting?
- I really wanted Peter to give Madison the hairless cat photo instead of the photo from the vow renewal.
- Peter gets more tongue than a Polish butcher.
- Kelsey is a psycho “fast-cryer” and her inability to drink champagne forced me to clear my browser history.
Week 2 Power Rankings
- Madison - Clearly in the lead. Cute personality and she’s making it work for her. She knows how to slow play Peter which is a power strategy right now.
- Tammy - Scored big points with me based on her facial expressions and her “I don’t need this, those girls need to get their sh*t together” attitude. Called out Kelsey for the psycho she is.
- Victoria P. - Didn’t get a lot of screen time, but also didn’t do anything to lose her ranking. She’s a shape shifter, but still one of my favorites.
- Ashley P. - Quiet. Reserved. Stays out of the drama. I fully expect her to drop out next week because she’s a cow, but right now she’s worthy of the #4 spot.
- Hannah Ann - You can’t deny her game. She did get set up on #ChampagneGate, but was masterful in avoiding the Kelsey meltdown. She’s obviously spent a lot of time in therapy because she used the “I acknowledge your feelings” response when confronted by Kelsey which is straight out of the Psychoanalysis Coping Playbook. Can't drop her out of the Top 5, but can't put her ahead of a cow either.
Dropping Out of the Top 5
- Lexi - Used the word “like” way too much in her one on one with Peter. Close up camera shots confirms my belief she is a roadhouse drinker and hustles non-regulars shooting pool.
- Alayah - Fell victim to editing and didn’t get a lot of screen time. She didn’t lose her spot, but other made bigger moves. I expect her to move back in to the Top 5 shortly.
- Kelley - Also found herself face down on the cutting room floor. Probably playing possum. She’ll make big moves soon. Count on it.
PHOTO: ABC